By Dave Wine

You may have seen an REI ad that talked about the voices we hear throughout our lives – you know, the “shoulds and oughts”:   You should be careful.  You should be nice.  You should be happy.  You should smile more.  You should just play nice.  You should set a good example.  You should be in better shape.  You should take care of it.  You should take care of them.  You should do something more with your life.  You should be grateful.  You should not worry.  You should lose weight.  You should know your place.  You should play by the rules.  You should be less sensitive.  You should be more sensitive.  You should be more nurturing.  You should set a good example.  You should fit in.   You should put forth more effort.  You should not be alone.  You should settle down. You should grow up.  And on and on it goes.  Those voices in our heads that tell us we are not OK the way we are!   The ad then ends with “These are the voices we have heard our whole lives.  But they get harder to hear the farther we go outside.”

I’d like to change that to also read, “they get harder to hear the further we go inside.”  Meaning, it is when we practice mindfulness, going inside ourselves, observing those voices in our head, quieting our minds, that we can begin to remember that these don’t have to be our voices – we get to choose which voices we hear and which have meaning for us.  Most of the voices that give us our ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ are not necessarily true for us.  Most of them come from a long line of others telling us how we should be and most are also fear-based – if we don’t do this, then this will happen.   When we practice mindfulness, we can begin to sort through all those voices, keeping the ones that nurture us and letting the others go.  It is in living what is true for us (listening within) that there is harmony and when there is harmony there is wholeness.  And that leads us right back to MAX – creating and sustaining wholeness – not just in others but in ourselves as well.

 David Wine

David is the President and CEO of the MAX enterprise, having served in that capacity since its formation in 2001.   He has forty plus years of  leadership experience in the business and faith-based worlds, being an ordained minister, having been elected to the highest position in his denomination,  and receiving numerous awards and recognition for his leadership in the insurance industry. He currently serves on numerous boards in the church and insurance sectors.  His hobbies include hiking, biking, skiing and snowshoeing as well as being an avid reader.  David and his wife, Sharon, have three daughters, a son, and five grandchildren.

By Dave Wine

I’ve written on this key area before but it is so important.  One of the greatest learnings (and one I have to keep re-learning!) is that our stories about us and others are not facts about life!   Another way to say that is our thoughts are not facts!   Our brains are wired to create thoughts!   Thousands a day!  And most of these thoughts are perceptions and feelings, not factual statements about what is really occurring in our life.  That is why we can be in a good mood and ten minutes later we notice that we are not joyful any longer – the culprit?  Probably something that has entered our thoughts that might even be years and years old!  Something we read, something someone said, someone walking by, something that happened that felt like a lot like something else that happened, a certain smell and so on might have triggered a long ago memory, reminded us of something unpleasant, caused us to think differently.  That is really why mindfulness is so important – when we take time to notice we can sort through what is real and what is not real – what is factual and what is not.

The key is to put space between our thoughts and our reactions.  Thoughts will come – again thousands of them in a day.  Our skill in noticing those thoughts and giving space between them and our feelings/reactions are what will allow us to find the ‘truth’ in our thoughts.  Especially when we find ourselves struggling with negative thoughts/feelings, ask yourself these questions:

• Is it true?  It might be but just asking this question provides that space we need before we react.
• Is it absolutely true?  This question adds additional space.  This means, is it 100% true what I’m thinking?  Is there another way to look at this?
• How does thinking this thought make me feel?  We are so good at creating stories and headlines about things.  Note what thinking this thought makes you feel like – such as sad, angry, jealous, hurt, fearful, etc.
• What would it be like if I let this thought/belief go?  Imagine that thought leaving you and your body/mind.  How would it change how you feel?

The bottom line is thoughts aren’t facts – a few are, but even they are usually subject to interpretation and perception, but most are not and are made up by our minds thinking in the past or fearing the future.  They are not usually related to what is NOW!  So giving ourselves some space with the questions above provides that opportunity to investigate our thoughts and feelings and leaves us in much more control of our emotions (and therefore, our lives) than we might have thought possible.

 David Wine

David is the President and CEO of the MAX enterprise, having served in that capacity since its formation in 2001.   He has forty plus years of  leadership experience in the business and faith-based worlds, being an ordained minister, having been elected to the highest position in his denomination,  and receiving numerous awards and recognition for his leadership in the insurance industry. He currently serves on numerous boards in the church and insurance sectors.  His hobbies include hiking, biking, skiing and snowshoeing as well as being an avid reader.  David and his wife, Sharon, have three daughters, a son, and five grandchildren.