MAX Mindfulness: The Power of “Letting Go”

by David Wine, President & CEO

In an earlier mindfulness communication I shared that I would write more about “letting go” which is also tied very closely to forgiveness.  Probably the most important area we can ‘let go’ is our need to change everything and everybody, even those things we can’t possible change!  We seem to have a particularly hard time of letting go of the need to change others whether it be our parents, children, spouse, co-workers, or others.

It is very important to understand the difference between influence and control.  We can influence others.   We can’t change them, however.  Only we can change ourselves.  Our spouse, co-workers and others can certainly influence us and we can influence them.  The owner of change, however, is each person and if someone doesn’t want to change, nothing we do can change that!  Indeed, the harder we try to change someone, the more likely they will not!  We spend inordinate amounts of energy trying to do the impossible!

So a huge step towards peace is to let go of wanting to control others and wanting to change others.  We are rowing upstream.  Instead “flow with current” which means focusing first on ourselves, the only person we can change.  As we become more compassionate, affirming, loving, and helpful our influence with others grows but remember the difference between influence and control/change.

Oh if I could only learn the lessons I teach!

Dave WineDavid Wine

David is the President and CEO of the MAX enterprise, having served in that capacity since its formation in 2001.   He has forty plus years of  leadership experience in the business and faith-based worlds, being an ordained minister, having been elected to the highest position in his denomination,  and receiving numerous awards and recognition for his leadership in the insurance industry. He currently serves on numerous boards in the church and insurance sectors.  His hobbies include hiking, biking, skiing and snowshoeing as well as being an avid reader.  David and his wife, Sharon, have three daughters, a son, and four grandchildren.

MAX Mindfulness: A New Year!

by David Wine, President & CEO

A new year! Millions of people begin this day with new year resolutions. And even more so this year. After all, we are no longer in the “dawning of the Age of Aquarius” as the old song said. This is the Age of Aquarius. We are now Aquarians! And we survived the solstice – the world continued – so back to our resolutions! An article in the news today said more people were doing resolutions this year than ever before. Not sure how they know but surveys never lie, do they?!!

One of my resolutions this year is to remember that whatever I teach, I learn. So, for example, if I want peace in my life, I need to teach peace. If I want more love in my life, I need to teach love. If I want more patience, I need to teach patience. You get the picture. A very simple resolution, and oh so hard to really do in all aspects of my life. I would invite you to ‘try it on’ with me this year. Think about it. You can use this phrase –whatever I teach, I learn – on any subject area. It applies equally to the more negative as well as all the positive attributes we want in our human nature. If I want to learn about envy, for example, teach envy. People who teach conflict, learn conflict. My resolution, though, is to teach and learn the good attributes.

By teach I mean practice it, share it, apply it to your life. So for example, let’s say I want to learn to be more hopeful. The only way to ‘get there’ is to teach it. I could begin by teaching myself to practice daily gratitude for the things I have, not for what I don’t have. I could teach myself by more positive self-talk– that I am a wonderful, creation of God/Divine with many gifts and talents. I could teach myself by speaking positively around and to others of the possibilities of life and creation. I could teach myself (and others) through sharing my gifts and love with them. I could teach myself that things have worked out in the past and there are wonderful possibilities for the future.

Why is this statement, whatever I teach, I learn, so key? Because we learn something by doing it and being it. My own personal mission statement is to be totally loving and totally loveable. The way to reaching that resolution is not by memorizing words or reading about it, although those things can be helpful tools. The way to learn it is to teach it (do acts of love, share love, affirm love, be love). Too often in my life I have waited for things like love, joy, peace, patience, etc. to come to me. This statement reminds me that the way these things come to me is through proactively doing them/practicing them/giving them first. As I teach (give), I learn (receive). The gift comes from the action. If I want to feel (learn) joy, I must first give (teach) joy.

Happy New Year!

The Problem With Fear and Discouragement

There sure is a lot to worry about right now, isn’t there? The economy, the flu, conflicts raging in our world … and the list goes on.

The problem with fear and discouragement is they just keep us from doing anything but feeling sorry for ourselves, which only guarantees we will continue to feel fear and discouragement. Have we thought about this carefully?

The more we listen to doom and gloom voices the more discouraged we feel. The more discouraged we feel, the more certain we are that there is no other choice but to feel that way. And the more convinced we are that we have no choice but to feel the way we do, the less choice we have. And feeling that we have less choice, we feel more and more discouraged and fearful! It’s a never-ending circle and grows in its intensity unless we break that chain of thinking.

This brief column cannot address all the helpful ways available to us to deal with this discouragement cycle. MAX President and CEO David Wine lists one thought that has been helpful to him through the years. It comes from Guy Finley, author of “The Essential Laws of Fearless Living.”

“In any given moment, there is always something higher you can do with your life than sit there and suffer over what you think you can’t have, or do, or be. Why wallow when a small amount of interior work will act to change your reality?”

Wine adds that much of the interior work is simply realizing that we would be much happier and less gloomy if we didn’t insist that life be a certain way and conform to our demands.

“It is the resistance to the way things are that is the real source of our fear and discouragement,” Wine says.